Friends Versus Lovers - Can Friends Be Future Lovers?
Can your best friend be your future lover and soul mate?
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about love on the Internet!
A friend can tell you a lot about a person. Nowhere is
this more apparent than when you're getting to know
someone romantically, whether you're a man or a woman
looking for love.
Friends are people we choose to have close to us,
unlike co-workers or family members, who, in their own
ways, are typically imposed on us through mere
coincidence. Friends reflect how we like to see
ourselves. They enjoy our company. They know our
quirks, and have learned to live with them. We are
usually the best we can be in friends' eyes, admired,
respected, and understood better by them than by
anyone else we know.
So what do friends have to do with finding a mate? A
great deal, if you know how to use them. A female
Match.Com member recently sold me on the importance of
meeting the friends of her prospective boyfriends:
"If you go out with someone, you can learn a lot
by seeing how they interact with their friends. If it
is obvious that a guy's friends care about him, that's
good--they know him better than you do. It also helps
if you respect his friends and find them
interesting." Of course, the same is true of
women and their friends--you can tell a lot by how
they interact.
So how does the friends barometer work? Below, I've
outlined some benefits and drawbacks of using this
friends tool.
Meeting 'The Friends' Is Great For:
Knowing you're important to your new mate. When you
get introduced to the friends, it means either you've
got great potential (yeah!), or you're a trophy
(boo!)--you'll have to figure that out later. However,
if you never get to meet the friends, then there are
no friends or you aren't worthy of them. Time to say
goodbye?
Seeing what he/she is like around others. This is
especially important if you meet someone online--you
get the chance to see how he or she stacks up socially
with peers, not just one-on-one in email, over the
phone, or at some back table in a restaurant.
Learning how your mate treats friends. Is he/she
talkative, open, trusting, and happy? Sounds like
you've found someone who knows what it takes to
maintain close relationships. How your date treats her
or his buddies could be a sign of things to come for
you.
Meeting 'The Friends' Isn't So Useful When:
You really like your date, but could do without the
friends. Knowing you don't get along with your lover's
friends can be a real drag, not to mention
stressful--they could be people you're going to be
seeing a lot of.
You find the friends more interesting than your date.
Do you cut your losses and move on, or continue the
romance, waiting for the moment when you can go after
the friend you've got your eye on? Could get ugly.
The friends always seem to be around. You could be
just a minor blip in your mate's life, while the
friends get most of the time and attention.
A friend hates you. If a friend persists in not liking
you, you might have a situation where your mate is
asked (or maybe forced) to choose between you. It has
happened! You might as well forget the whole thing if
more than three friends say you're no good.
The Limits of Friends
Meeting the friends isn't a tried and true way of
telling whether you and your new mate will find bliss.
It is only one of the many tools in the arsenal. If
things don't go well when you meet them, don't
despair. Just like any new introductions between
people, things can be awkward. Friends can act like
freaks when they're nervous with a newcomer in the
room (you!). Or maybe they're insanely jealous that
their friend finally found someone as wonderful as
you.
On the other hand, the friends could adore you. In
that case, you're in! Everyone likes you and you look
better in your new mate's eyes--what more could you
ask for?
So, if you're getting to know someone romantically,
it's never too soon to go out and spend some time with
friends as a group. Just think of all you could learn.
Love and Relationships - Online Dating - Sex and Romance
Anyone who's ever had a brush with the thing called love knows that this
feeling so desired is also tough to pin down. There are so many kinds. We've
got lusty love, companionate love, fraternal love, the kind of love you have
for your grandparents, thrilling love, young love, self love, and love mixed in
with a lot of pain-and many more. How can we survive a relationship with all
these different forms of love floating around? If you can't survive the change,
you'd better learn, since relationships are filled with love that's
ever-changing.
Love's Frontier
You start out a relationship with tons of passionate love, with lots of lust
mixed in. New love feels like you're climbing a mountain-thrilling, with lots
of new territory to explore with every step. As the relationship endures (if
you're lucky enough to have it endure) you'll begin to grow to know each other
more deeply. Then love deepens, too, broadening into a 'best-friend' and
companion-style love. No doubt the lusty, new love is still there, but starts
to get filled out by these other feelings.
It's when love starts to change form that some people can't cope; they sense
the shift as a loss of passion. They sense a reduction in passion, which to
them means that something's wrong with the relationship. But it doesn't have to
be that way.
When you feel yourself moving over into the companionate sort of love, just
relax. It's not easy, but try to let the relationship exist at its level. It
takes some getting used to but as you may soon find you enjoy it, too. This
phase I have affectionately termed The Plains of Kansas. On the Plains, you are
definitely no longer in the mountains of love/lust, with all that unexplored,
exciting territory, where each step takes you around a new corner, over a new
rock. But The Plains of Kansas have their own charms and benefits-you'll just
have to look a litter harder for what's interesting there, see a little
farther. You're in a place that seems to go on forever, with no apparent
markers or change in landscape. But if you pay attention to the details, you'll
find plenty to keep you interested.
Dizzying Love
Of course, the thrill of falling in love has its ups and downs two. As love
swells up then changes in a relationship, so does your sanity level-or so it
seems. On the first date, maybe you feel some of your senses slipping away,
"melting into her eyes." After a month you may think, "I don't
feel right when we're apart." But you never had that problem before. And
of course, it doesn't feel like too serious a problem to have. It is part of
the thrill of love.
Let's face it. Partners complicate our lives. First, we're driven nearly crazy
with the heady rush to love. Our friends will wonder what's happened to us.
Then, after a few more dates, a few more weeks, both men and women wonder
neurotically, often desperately:"What if she doesn't like me as much as I
like her?"... "Am I being used?"... "Is he going to pull
away just when I'm falling in love?"... "How much will a breakup hurt
me?" Not pleasant thoughts. But we've all experienced them at least
momentarily as we embark down the road to coupledom.
Love can get even more complicated the longer you're in it. For instance,
lovers tend to know more than anyone about our weaknesses and our strengths,
our dreams and our worries. We allow them in and give them Knowledge. It takes
a while-at least a few months-for this Knowledge to build up. But it will.
Be happy that Knowledge can be used for good, to build us up and make us feel
stronger, more secure, and happier. But partners also use Knowledge against us,
leaving us feeling vulnerable, sometimes abused. Being prepared for just how
many "buttons" are going to get pushed is important to keeping the
relationship going strong even during tough times. And all this happens because
of love.
So take love, in all its forms, and embrace it. At least try. Don't get scared
when you first start to realize that "some of the passion is gone,"
after the first month, or after the first year. Right around the corner is
another kind of love that brings its own rewards.
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Free Dating Sites versus Totally Free
Dating Sites
Defining "FREE" Dating Services - I'm a firm believer in
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used.
Free Dating Service - Typically
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ads. However, different sites require various paid upgrades to use advanced
site features such as chatrooms and sending messages.
Free Dating Service Trials -
Usually means that singles can join the site with no restrictions using all
site functions for a predetermined amount of time. Your profile can remain in
the database, but your downgraded to basic memberships after the trial.
Totally Free Dating Services -
"Should" mean that all site features are available to all singles with no
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and we never use tracking software or any cookies on your computer. We respect
your privacy
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