Playing Safe when Dating Online

The Internet has become the hot new place for smart, eligible people to find romance, and those looking for love are swarming into cyberspace. As a result, many individuals have begun relationships online with people they have not met and know little about. 
  
With so many people communicating via the Net and deciding to date virtual strangers, it is important to be safe and be smart. Common sense can go a long way to keep you safe. Here are some guidelines for playing it safe: 
  
Watch out for someone who seems too good to be true. 
  
Begin by first communicating solely by email or online chat. Be vigilant in noticing odd behavior or inconsistencies. If someone is evasive, this is a red flag. "Listen" to your correspondent's words. The person at the other end may not be who or what he/she says. Trust your instincts. If anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and protection. 

Find out as much information as you can. 
Learn to ask many questions. Find out where he grew up, where she works, and how he is connected to his community. These are clues to finding out who this person really is. Be suspicious, if someone is unwilling to reveal any personal identifying information. Probe any discrepancies in their stories. If your correspondent is unwilling to answer your questions, this is another red flag. Continue with a great deal of caution. 
  
Honesty is the key to success. 
Represent yourself accurately. Exaggerating or deceiving is easy online. Areas to be particularly cautious about are marital status and physical appearance. Begin with a request for a picture and send them a recent one of you. If someone is unwilling to send a recent photo, this is warning sign. If he or she continuously comes up with an excuse, it is because that person has something to hide. Having a scanned photo is available at Kinko's for less than ten dollars, so there is no valid excuse for not doing it. After you have exchanged photos, continue to fill in the gaps, so that the other person does not create you in their image. Keep it honest. 
  
Talk on the telephone and continue to learn more about your correspondent. 
A phone call can reveal a lot about a person's communication and social skills. It is worth the cost of the call to protect your security. But do not give out your phone number to a stranger. Trust takes time to develop. Only when you feel completely comfortable should you furnish your phone number. 
  
Don't rush into anything. 
Meeting someone online and then arranging a date in a relatively short time can be dangerous. Take time to find out who this person really is. If someone is pressuring you to get together before you are ready, this is another warning sign. If anything feels strange as you get to know this person, then it is time to back away and look for another match. 
  
If you decide to meet for a date, proceed with caution. Arrange the meeting on your terms. The following is a guide to ensure that you have a safe encounter: 
Before You Meet 
  
Before you go out with someone new, it is important to get as much information as you can about the person you will meet. 
1. Always ask for a full name, address, and telephone number before agreeing to go out with someone you have never met. 
 
2. Never go out with someone who will only give you a pager or work phone number. (There is a very good chance of a spouse in the house.) 
 
3. When someone gives his or her phone number, find a reason to call unexpectedly. This may help you to find out if she is married or he is living with someone. 
 
4. Find out where the person works and if you can call him or her at work 
First Date Know-How 
 
Be careful when agreeing to meet anyone in person.  
Set the conditions for your date and do not let the other person change them. Remember, you really do not know someone until you spend time with them in person. 
  
1. Always tell someone where you are going with your date and when you will return. Leave your date's full name and telephone numbers with that person and write it down. For a small fee, you can leave information regarding where you are going and all the pertinent details with a service called SmartDate at http://www.smartdate.com. If your date wants you to keep it secret, this is a very big red flag. Protect yourself. 
 
2. Always meet in a public place that you are familiar with on your first date. Stay near other people in a lighted area. Getting together for coffee is a pleasant, casual way to get to know someone. 
 
3. Never allow yourself to be picked up from your house. Giving your address out to a stranger is not safe. Arrange your own transportation so that you can leave if there is any sign of trouble. 
  
4. Pay attention to everything that this person has told you about him or herself. If you find out that your date has lied about anything, this is another red flag. 
  
5. Do not bring your date back to your house after the first meeting. You do not know this person. Use the same kind of common sense and rules that you would use in any type of dating relationship. 
  
Be smart and be safe. Take control of your future. Know what you are getting into before you invest your heart, money, or your life. Information is the key. 
Personal Ad Acronyms:
SWF, DBM, ISO, MWM, these are acronyms, or abbreviations for terms.

Creating Your Personal:
If you include a photo it should be high quality and make you look great! However, if you look so phenomenal in your photo that you do not even recognize yourself in it, choose another one. Make your photo fun and interesting by having your dog or pet in it with you.

When you create your personal ad, do not reveal personal identifying information. Use correct grammar and check your spelling carefully. Do NOT WRITE YOUR PERSONAL AD IN ALL CAPS, IT HURTS THE EYES and is tiring to read. Talk about yourself, your hobbies, your accomplishments, favorite music, the great aspects of your personality. Remember, you are selling yourself... accentuate the positive.

You should also mention what you are looking for. People will be more likely to respond if they can view themself as a potential partner for you, so let them know what you want. If you really want a match who has never been married and has no children, say so, and briefly state why.

Show your personality in your ad rather than telling. Instead of saying, "I have a great sense of humor," show that you have a great sense of humor in your writing style or by sharing a funny experience that demonstrates your great sense of humor. Likewise, if you love animals, it is much more interesting to read "I have a grey fluffy cat and a loud mouthed, but comical parrot who are like my children.", rather than "I love animals." Instead of saying, "I love rock music," show that you love it by mentioning a recent concert you attended and how much fun it was.

If you have quirks about a mate that you will not accept, state so in your personal to avoid building a relationship with someone who will not appeal to you in the long run. For example, if you will not accept someone who doesn't love cats, say so! There are cat lovers out there who will appreciate that and respond.

Reponding To A Personal:
So, you found a personal ad that appeals to you and you want to get in touch with the person who created it. Great! Instead of sending an email, send a free electronic greeting.

When responding to a personal ad for the first time, don't drone on about yourself unless the personal ad told you to. Make your response fun, uplifting, and drop a couple hints about yourself. Compliment the person based on information provided in the personal... who doesn't love a compliment? Briefly state what you have in common and tell the person you look forward to hearing from him or her.

Do not create a generic response. If your email response to a personal ad could apply as a response to any personal ad, throw it out. Your response should be personal and geared specifically toward the person you are responding to.

Your email should be one which initiates a needed reply. Ask questions... nothing personal, just questions based on their personal or unrelated to their personal. Keep the conversation flowing, and do not focus solely on yourself.

Use the subject of your email to catch their attention. A lot of people look at the subject of the email to determine whether they will open and read the email or throw it out. Don't use a generic subject such as "response to your personal ad." Use something more personal such as "Hey surfer, I checked you out." (if they mentioned they like surfing, for example). Keep your response short. Some personal ads generate a lot of email and opening a long email might be overwhelming or intimidating. Hence, your email might be junked unread.

You can also take note of replies to your own personal ad. Pay attention to which responses are boring and learn from their mistakes.

Problems with Personal Ads:
If you have posted a personal ad and think that you are not getting enough responses to it, analyze it. Show your personal ad to close friends or family and ask them to help you. Sometimes your friends can be your best resource for composing a personal ad, they can honestly portray you and things about you that you might overlook.

Also, browse through other personal ads. Note which ads you do not like and why. Pick ads that you enjoy reading (whether or not the person appeals to you) and decipher what it is about the ad that makes it appealing.

Personal Ad Services:
There are some great online services where you can peruse personal ads, or create your own. Read the user agreements before joining any service, and look carefully for hidden fees. You can get a good idea of what kind of people are attracted to a particular online personal ad service by browsing the personal ads prior to joining and putting your own up.

Your personal ad should not be far too long. You need something that people will actually read; the purpose of the ad is one thing and one thing only: to encourage a response, so that you can begin interactive communication with them. The purpose of your ad is not to sell them on you; it has NO other purpose than to encourage responses. You then go from there. Pretend you are trying to sell a computer or something, and none of that honesty foolishness, dating is hardball. Do not reveal your deficiencies. After you have written a good ad ( or gotten someone else to write it for you ) you need to run it where plenty of men/ women will see it. But... if You don't reveal your deficiencies, then a cautious man/woman would wonder what you were hiding. By revealing your main deficiencies (the only ones she'd have to worry about as far as she's concerned), she would know upfront what my weaknesses are and she might feel more comfortable. Also, don't want a prospect expecting something more than she might get, and later be disappointed. Get them to send you a note, and then go forward to some kind of personal contact as soon as possible, because YOU are the critical human element, and YOU are far more persuasive in person, far more warm, far more interesting in person than you can ever be as mere words.

The Chemistry of Love